“Wars and temper tantrums are the makeshifts of ignorance; regrets are the illuminations come to late.”
The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell
The chief complaint is cough and congestion, I breath, easy, in and out.
I open the door and see the 30 something year old patient curled up on the table, pajamas on, hood over the head, face buried.
Immediately my eyes roll , the dread, I have seen it before, I know the type of patient, my judgement leaps out in front. I catch it. Do I have the patience for this right now? My antidote voice is far in the distance, did I look at the problem list? Is this expected?
In this moment I have a choice, we each have a choice, so many feelings are real here, and I know for sure you have thought of options on different days! That slight edge of rage, the setting of your jaw, the next deep breath. How to address this tantruming adult, who insists on avoiding adulting and chooses ignorance?
I close my eyes for a second to gather myself, I take a deep breath. Meet them where they are, I whisper to myself.
The judgement eases, but the annoyance this will take longer than necessary persists.
The lack of acknowledgement I have entered is a give away for where to set my expectations.
I take a deep breath as silently as possible and start as I always do, hello ___ and hold out my hand, I am Krista the nurse practitioner. There is a slight whimper and no movement. Ugh, the dramatics, my irritation rises slightly, so annoying, such a waste of my time, I feel my bold voice of justice rise. That impatient voice, what do they think I have all day? How old are we? How can I help someone who won’t even try?
I am sure you can relate.
The tantrum, an adult tantrum.
My feeling of irritation with the adult who is acting like a child in front of me as I am simply doing my job to gather information, help them, make a diagnosis and treatment plan, and move onto the next room. But they do not cooperate, they are stuck in tantrum.
In burnout I may have walked out, given them a minute, even said that “I am going to give you a few minutes to gather yourself.” Judgemental but not totally out of line.
In recovery it is a moment of acknowledging my own feelings of disrespect, sometimes restraint and grounding myself enough to honor the patient’s experience as well as my own responsibilities. Where will I gain my own strength and maturity? Accept the moment as it is, I cannot change who they are, I have not walked their path and they also have not walked mine.
The antidote here to move from burnout to breakthrough is the simple, acknowledgement of my own judgement and irritation and the acceptance of what is then using my own super power of grounding to be the adult, the calm, collected and professional that comes more naturally now with that mighty pause. Not being pulled down to the same level this tantruming adult patient has chosen. I can choose to breathe, pause and breakthrough, staying in my own power and not giving my power over to this patient.